naNo's

Imam al-Ghazali

2012-02-11T09:51:00.001Z

"Pertama telah kupandang makhluk yang banyak ini. Maka aku saksikanlah bahawa tiap-tiap mereka mempunyai kekasih dan kecintaan tempat hatinya tertambat. Sebahagian daripada kekasih itu hanya mendampingi sampai ke sakit yang membawa maut dan sebahagian lagi pulang dan meninggalkan kekasihnya terbaring seorang diri. Tidak seorang pun yang turut masuk ke kubur dan menghiburkan di dalamnya. Yang demikian tidak ku dapati selain daripada amalan yang soleh. Sebab itu maka aku ambil ia menjadi kekasihku, supaya kelak ia menjadi pelita di dalam kuburku, menghiburkan dan tidak meninggalkan aku seorang diri." - Imam al-Ghazali

Deep.

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I don't know

2012-02-10T21:59:00.001Z

Giving up isn't an option. I'm telling myself this, because I almost gave myself up. Remembering that even I don't love myself, and what my body and soul are literally doing, God loves me the way I am, provided that I always turn to Him. Few days passed. I hurt many people. Yes I know I did. And y'know, I'm just trying to pull out the best of me, I'm trying my best to be as natural as I can, and do ya know that I'm struggling? Do ya know that this heart isn't yet pure? Me as you see me, as you love me. But I know who I am, I know what is in this heart. How can I die if this heart isn't in solace?
It's a process, if you'd like to know. A change, I admit. Remember I told you that I was hard? Yes I was. Now I hope I wasn't. Because that hardness within me drag me this much, causes me so much reluctancy and guilt. I just in my way u-turn. Usher said 'it ain't hard to learn.' He lied. It's the most difficult thing one can do in her life. I hope you get what I mean. Otherwise, learn something.

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Love is...

2012-01-24T14:49:00.000Z

Love is a feeling
Love is in heart

Love is sincerity

Love is in tears

Love is in smile

Love is respect

Love is holding on

Love is sacrifice

Love is not lie

Love is trust

Love is passion

Love is not lust
Love is calm
Love is soothing

Love is every seasons

Love is intention

Love is head-down

Love is kneeling

Love is thinking

Love is dreaming

Love is seeing in everything

Love is counting days
Love is waiting
Love is patience
Love is persistence
Love is forever

Love is not burden

Love is happiness

Love is undisputed

Love is original

Love is special

Love is longing

Love is telling

Love is asking

Love is caring

Love is praying

Love is hoping

Love is keeping

Love is unconditional

Love is perceiving

Love is priority

Love is the reason you wake up

Love is the last thing before you sleep

Love is not a noun

Love is a verb

Love is loving

Do you Love your God?

Do we?

There is no such thing like sincerity other than the sincerity to God.

2012-01-24T04:42:00.001Z

After all that's all we need.

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7 days

2012-01-22T23:28:00.001Z

If only i could close my eyes
And leave everything behind
this world and its attachments
this deceiving world and its content.

I'm human, not angel,
earth is either my playground
or a battlefield.
somehow something is to begin somewhere
And my beginning is here.
this world - created in a week.

Isn't it supposed to be easy?
The temptations, your acts,
that will ruin you somehow,
If you don't understand
From where they begin?

Human right? Common sense?
Are philosophers' tea,
If you don't understand why
You're here, doing things that you do,
And you can't find your reason of living,
Are they still in the philosophers' cup?

Isn't it supposed to be easy?
The world is made in a week.
Then why is it,
To it and its content
We attach?
And the world is either our playground or battlefield.
And somehow something is to begin somewhere.
You and me.
Eyes shut.
And things will be made clear for us,
Forever.

[6:32]

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Heart of a mountain

2012-01-12T10:43:00.001Z

Assalamualaikum wbt.

If We had sent down this Qur'an upon a mountain, you would have seen it humbled and coming apart from fear of Allah . And these examples We present to the people that perhaps they will give thought. [Quran, 59:21]

I spent the last winter holiday in Spain. A place I never thought I would go at some point in my life. But it all started with a niat - to find God, Allah. My history about Islam sucks. And I didn't know much about Islamic civilization there, to be specific. But all praise to Him, I found something.

My memories in Spain have got a lot of things to do with how Islam has conquered the West and then the West reconquered the place. Everywhere I went, I see Islamic architecture that have been reconquered. The most intense was when I went to Cordoba, the infamous mosque to us, the Church to the Christian
What impacted me the most is the fact that not everything has changed. They left it the way it looked - like a mosque.

And everything went on like that.

We travelled mostly by bus. From cities to cities. We went from North to South - the Souther the warmer. You know what I saw? I saw desert and mountain rock on my left and right. And nothing else. They all look so arid, so dry, that your eyes get sore when you stare at them. The mountain rock as it is. Hard, stony, without sand, without grasses nor trees. Just rock. And I wonder if the rain pours from above how slippery it would be. Because it absorbs nothing. And everything that just pours will just flow. It would make no change to the mountain.

But just look at the verses from the Surah Al-Hashr. Allah says that had He sent the Quran to a mountain, we would see it humbled and coming apart from fear of Allah.

When I saw the mountain at the first place, I knew that there's a Quranic verses that tells us things like this. But I'm not sure what is the specific thing. All I can reflect till this day is, how hard my heart is.

You know what? I can just listen to Quranic verses with the translation, and keep procrastinating to practise all the commands from our Lord. And I always knew it. But I always do.
It strikes me at heart, at the centre, that the mountain that is million times looks harder has a softer heart that mine. The mountain is tall, hard, looks notorious, couldn't absorb anything, couldn't be influenced by wind or water, yet it would CRASH if Quran we to be sent down to it. Subhanallah. Astaghfirullahalazim.
And what happen when Quran is sent to me? Quran is read? Quran is recited? Had I not fear? I do. But did I do anything? I hardly did.
Why is that my heart so hard? Why is that I could hardly cry? Why is that I could hardly send my forehead down to the ground and thank Him and ask for His direction?

And I'm so arrogant that I couldn't even do dzikir in my silence. And I'm so pretendance as if I'm so ignorant. My soul is so wicked that it always refuse. I don't want to belong to the Munafikun. Not a single chance. But my sin doesn't weight an atom. They are tonnes. I seek forgiveness from You Ya Allah. Indeed, You are my Lord, Most Benificent the Most Merciful. Thanks for giving me another day to live. Had I die yesterday, I would have died a sinner.

Nano blur?

2012-01-07T03:59:00.001Z

My skin does appear flawless whenever I take out my specs XD..
So, I hereby declare this product is worth it..

Maybe its Nanoblur. Get it in the nearest Boots.

***You must know the situational and the linguistic context to get this joke. Yeah, I call this a joke.

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Bermimpi scary

2012-01-06T08:28:00.001Z

T.T

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Love and Fear

2012-01-01T19:00:00.001Z

Love is not fear. And fear is not love. They are not equivalent, so how could they possibly come together?
And I asked..."How are we suppose to fear God and love Him at the same time?"
I had myself thinking, and used to come to a conclusion that fear is the feeling of fearing not being loved by God. That seemed possible to me. But a little cocky because it is so desperately reasoned to ease myself. Come the word of God when He says about Hell. Isn't that a different fear to everyone?

And these couple of days, I messed myself with the assignments I procrastinated. Anxious - I could say for having 4 in a row to be submitted on the same date. How do I know by the time I'm typing this, that I will get things done before the due date? None could assure, but it is nearly absolute that things will be done by the due date. Why? Because it happens all the time. Only when one realizes that when her time gets shorter, she will get things done. And what makes one realize? My answer would be - time and fear. As long as we know we still have time, the fear is less, the love or the enthusiasm of doing what is supposed to be done swayed, we neglect, we abstain, we procrastinate. When we know that the time is near, fear overpowers us, scary thoughts illuminate us, we started to be obedient and responsible to our own self. We started to love ourselves, bring everything back together again, and save ourselves for whatever threat and punishment ahead.

So for the time being, I realise one thing. With fear, we save ourselves, and love every possible things that is good for ourselves. Because we're too weak to be self-defensive, we'll ask for God's help. The more we're in fear, the closer we get to Him. The more we get to Him, the more chance to fall in love with Him.

He knows best. May He guide me to His path.

Allah, putuskan hubungan cinta ku dengan dunia supaya aku mampu bersujud ketika bersujud.

2011-12-27T21:42:00.001Z

Silence

2011-12-16T21:26:00.002Z

Sometimes silence doesn't matter - doesn't matter at all. Like someone, who could always immense in the sound of silence and tap her shoes, like she's listening to a music. No one hears what she hears - because she hears only silence. Like someone, who's in a suffocated crowd, chanting on words that only she could hear. And in the chants, she's hoping there's Someone Hearing. Like someone, who's having a feeling tattooed in her heart, that there's no words could describe, no vocab could define, no action could react, and no one could understand. And result in silent - because silence doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all.

Sahabat

2011-12-06T11:23:00.003Z

Erti sahabat, orang yang sentiasa mengiringi kita, sentiasa ada di samping kita atau selalu berdekatan dengan kita. Erti mengiring atau sentiasa di samping atau berdekatan dengan kita itu, bukan erti luaran sahaja. Bukan sekadar lahiriah sahaja tetapi batinnya sekali. Seperti mengiringi dan mendampingi hati kita. Dekat dengan hati kita.

sumber

2011-12-04T16:56:00.002Z

...Jika kamu tidak menyukai mereka, (maka bersabarlah) kerana boleh jadi kamu tidak menyukai sesuatu, padahal Allah menjadikan kebaikan yang banyak padanya.

[4:19]

I know how it feels wanting to be needed, yet you know you can't even do or change anything.

2011-11-26T23:52:00.001Z

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My new year resolution

2011-11-25T14:07:00.002Z

Jannah.

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Why do people have to leave each other?

2011-11-25T00:34:00.004Z

Bismillahirahmanirahim

Referring back to my previous post, apparently I used to be in the same place with the person in the text I'm going to share. Subhanallah. I've been questioning on relationship on Allah's sake. Tonight, before I went to sleep, I found this writing. Deep and profound and moving. Subhanallah. I couldn't stop praising You.

By Yasmin Mogahed.

When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a masjid and a little girl walked up to ask me a question. She asked me: “Why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me. I was one to get attached.

Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.

But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.

Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)

There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one handhold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.

But this world is all about seeking those things everywhere else. Some of us seek it in our careers, some seek it in wealth, some in status. Some, like me, seek it in our relationships. In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own quest for happiness. She describes moving in and out of relationships, and even traveling the globe in search of this fulfillment. She seeks that fulfillment—unsuccessfully—in her relationships, in meditation, even in food.

And that’s exactly where I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. So it was no wonder that the little girl in my dream asked me this question. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed. It was about what happens when you try to dig in concrete with your bare hands: not only do you come back with nothing—you break your fingers in the process. And I learned this not by reading it, not by hearing it from a wise sage. I learned it by trying it again, and again, and again.

And so, the little girl’s question was essentially my own question…being asked to myself.

Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today, and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes against our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for what is perfect and what is permanent. We are made to seek what’s eternal. We seek this because we were not made for this life. Our first and true home was Paradise: a land that is both perfect and eternal. So the yearning for that type of life is a part of our being. The problem is that we try to find that here. And so we create ageless creams and cosmetic surgery in a desperate attempt to hold on—in an attempt to mold this world into what it is not, and will never be.

And that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition ofdunya, as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect. By trying to find fulfillment in what is fleeting, we are running after a hologram…a mirage. We are digging into concrete with our bare hands. Seeking to turn what is by its very nature temporary into something eternal is like trying to extract from fire, water. You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes indunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.

We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.

And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachment evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don’t like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says: “Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Qur’an, 13:11)

After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.

As soon as I began to have that realization, a veil was lifted from my eyes. I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect. And being the idealist that I am, I was struggling with every cell in my body to make it so. It had to be perfect. And I would not stop until it was. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to this endeavor: making the dunya into jannah. This meant expecting people around me to be perfect. Expecting my relationships to be perfect. Expecting so much from those around me and from this life. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations. And if there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations. But herein lay my fatal mistake. My mistake was not in having expectations; as humans, we should never lose hope. The problem was in *where* I was placing those expectations and that hope. At the end of the day, my hope and expectations were not being placed in God. My hope and expectations were in people, relationships, means. Ultimately, my hope was in this dunya rather than Allah.

And so I came to realize a very deep Truth. An ayah began to cross my mind. It was an ayah I had heard before, but for the first time I realized that it was actually describing me: “Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” (Qur’an, 10:7)

By thinking that I can have everything here, my hope was not in my meeting with God. My hope was in dunya. But what does it mean to place your hope in dunya? How can this be avoided? It means when you have friends, don’t expect your friends to fill your emptiness. When you get married, don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need. When you’re an activist, don’t put your hope in the results. When you’re in trouble don’t depend on yourself. Don’t depend on people. Depend on God.

Seek the help of people—but realize that it is not the people (or even your own self) that can save you. Only Allah can do these things. The people are only tools, a means used by God. But they are not the source of help, aid, or salvation of any kind. Only God is. The people cannot even create the wing of a fly (22:73). And so, even while you interact with people externally, turn your heart towards God. Face Him alone, as Prophet Ibrahim (as) said so beautifully: “For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah.” (Qur’an,6:79)

But how does Prophet Ibrahim (as) describe his journey to that point? He studies the moon, the sun and the stars and realizes that they are not perfect. They set. They let us down.

So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.

We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ﷺ like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”

To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.

Looking back at the dream I had when I was 17, I wonder if that little girl was me. I wonder this because the answer I gave her was a lesson I would need to spend the next painful years of my life learning. My answer to her question of why people have to leave each other was: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”

Building a teacher in me

2011-11-24T22:46:00.008Z

I'm in a state of worry, the whole day today after receiving the take home test on lesson planning, because I don't seem interested in teaching methods, methodologies so on and so forth. I'm just worried I don't have the interest in teaching methods, you see, I'm bad at lesson planning. I should be more creative, I know, and make my students like me and learn something when I teach. I should build a teacher in me. I want to be a good teacher. Always want to be a good teacher.

Daripada Abu Hurairah, Rasulullah SAW bersabda, maksudnya:

"Apabila mati seseorang anak Adam, terputus segala amalannya, melainkan tiga perkara iaitu sedekah jariah, ilmu pengetahuan yang berguna dan anak yang baik yang sentiasa mendoakannya."

p/s: Thanks to the teacher's dearest room mate who helped the teacher to put on the tudung everyday for the school experience.

Silence is beautiful

2011-11-24T11:42:00.002Z

"It is difficult to communicate feelings with no basic emotional vocabulary. And within emotions there are such fine gradations and distinctions that having words to reflect those nuances is a challenge for us all.
Even when we have finally acquired words to say how we feel, we discover emotions that are the most profound and deep cannot be expressed in words, so that we are once more rendered speechless before what is most important to us – which is why some things can only be said by silence. The emotional world is complex." (Murray, 2011, Irish Times)

Sometimes silence means a profound love. You speak my thoughts Murray! You're just so awesome!!

Streets of London

2011-11-21T23:06:00.024Z

Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and earth, and the alternation of the night and the day, and the [great] ships which sail through the sea with that which benefits people, and what Allah has sent down from the heavens of rain, giving life thereby to the earth after its lifelessness and dispersing therein every [kind of] moving creature, and [His] directing of the winds and the clouds controlled between the heaven and the earth are signs for a people who use reason. [2:164]

**click on the pictures to enlarge

This is how prayer room in London MSD looks alike. Really feels like home.

Queensborough Terrace, where Malaysian Hall is located.

The infamous telephone booth. The pride of Londoners.

The Underground station where the tubes are connected. Always a busy place.

Here comes the oldest underground tube in the world which operates since 1863.

The Tube.

Knightsbridge.

Seeing Harrods.

Harrods.

Someone is happy with her macaroon.

My personal favourite. It is unedited.

On London Bridge. It hasn't fell down yet.

Close enough, you can see 3 trademarks in one picture. The Underground signboard, the Red bus and the telephone booth.

Underground station, again.

Look, there's London Eye.

Streets of London.

The busy road.

Big Ben from afar.

Peace!

This one is like a postcard.

Another favourite.

Me trying to be epic.

The whole of it.

Pictures sometimes speaks everything. Subhanallah.

Names

2011-11-21T05:09:00.003Z

**click to enlarge

Someone special unexpectedly posted this on my facebook wall! Thanks so much Kak Wani. Have a good life :)))

2011-11-18T00:20:00.004Z

Sometimes the feeling of missing you still comes.

My second home

2011-11-17T10:43:00.007Z

Today, skyped with Mak, after so long longing home. Ayah wasn't there, he's in some sort of a camp in somewhere (Mak told me where it is but I forget). Mak told me so many things, very much of 'em are unexpected. But there's one, I just can't help but to blog it.

SMKTS coop

It's about this place. If you know me long enough, or preferably well enough, you'll know that this place was my second home. I grew up with it, and it's the first place I'd go if I go to Mak's school. SMKTS was a new school when I first shifted to Kedah. Mak is among the first batch teacher to teach there. At that time, this coop was a dream. The school's dream to be exact. And Mak was appointed to take charge of it. But all they have is merely a building.

And Mak means, my family. We, as a family built this coop in Syawal 3 year 2001 with our own sweat and money. Yes, it was literally sweat and money. That was 10 years ago. We regard it as our family's masterpiece and we feel so belong to it. Mak worked from 7am to 6pm everyday, setting, organizing, decorating, and planning events for this coop. She did everything she could and gave her best and the coop was a huge success in the school in town.

I used to take my friends there, and they were very much informed that it was my second home that they're very much welcome whenever I was there. I was a popular kid in the school and see generations of students signing in and out of the school, share their joy and pain of getting exam results. Mak seemed never tired of giving her effort for this small room. Every year in June - most likely on my birthday, there'll be HKS (Hari Koperasi Sekolah) and Mak will be the busiest woman on earth preparing students for choir (don't ask who's the keyboardist), contacting vendors, and so on. In this small room, I studied, I stayback for evening activities, and I see changes. I actually live in it. I spent my whole life in Kedah with it. In preparing the 'kerepek' I spent every evenings in my school life with the same routine.

Few days ago Mak had just resigned. The reason is simply because she wants to let go of it in its very best condition and give ways to newcomers. The asset is up to RM100,000 when Mak left the coop key to someone else. Yes, the coop now is very stable and sure it doesn't really need the same sweat and money. But all I have to say is, I'm very proud of you, Mak. Mak told me this with tears nearly coming out from her eyes. I really know how it feels Mak. And it hurts so much more because you're still teaching there. You feet might just walk there for an unknown reason because you're so synonym with it. I'm the child who's always with you, Mak - from the beginning till this end. I know how it feels cause I feel it too. I'm very proud of you. I'm very proud to see it standing with our pride and sweat.

Chek Norliah Hashim

18 December 2001 - 13 November 2011

Not yet

2011-11-14T19:18:00.004Z

It happens in front of my eyes,

The time I sparsely look,

and kneel for absolution.

It's the things that we've never done together,

Though I had all the time in the world,

Just to clinch with you for a moment,

and do it one time,

like multiple tens of times,

we could've done it.

Difficult to comprehend why,

maybe that's how I missed a lot of things,

and maybe that's why I miss you,

a punch on my shoulder,

that says 'back off',

maybe I should come back later.

Atone, maybe it isn't yet pure,

that it happens in my eyes,

And I amiss.

Contemplating

2011-11-14T11:35:00.004Z

maka bertasbihlahlah dengan memuji Tuhanmu dan jadilah engkau di antara orang yang bersujud. [15:98]

2011-11-10T00:18:00.001Z

For what I've said, the ones which are hurtful, I would especially regret and blame myself for saying them. I didn't mean to hurt, and I know that I was being over-expressive perhaps and I hate myself for that. Don't pretend you don't care when you're hurt or someone hurt you, no matter who the person is, and she could be me. You are you and always you, I know. I am not here to say what I expect you to do, but I'm here to be here when I'm needed. I don't expect anything. Not a single response. I'm here. That's all you need to know.

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At Campbell Road

2011-11-09T20:44:00.002Z

At Campbell Road by Afza Diyana Abdullah

That is you with sweet hands

and white heart and neat soul

This is me feeding on the unreal

in trance of reality

I think I understand you

but I don't know you

and these encounters, it's an exchange of thoughts

or is it restraightening our heads

Thank you for simplifying what

I've complicate

There's a twisted logic that only

twisted people understands.

2011-11-08T22:06:00.003Z

If this friendship

requires us nothing

but to just wait

and watch from afar,

If this friendship,

Is boundless;

to questions and doubts,

If it's meant that way,

I'll pray

I'll pray continuously

That you are always strong on your feet

And when day He will take you

that's when your faith is the strongest

you've ever bear.

I'll pray for you.

If it's the only thing that I can do.

I'll pray for you.

As long as you got me
I'll be your friend,
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding myself
If it's the only thing I ever do
I will always love you.

2011-11-08T19:31:00.002Z

I knew,

That this time will come,

He finally gave me the courage.

After that hour

until now,

I can hear sound when I breathe

I'm so speechless

I'm not sure if the feeling inside my chest

is beginning to calm down,

or simply mixed up.

I don't know.

My vision blurred

By tears that is barely coming out

And sometimes one or two drops to the ground

Is this a second struck?

Allah, Allah, Allah

I remember

2011-11-05T23:23:00.001Z

Selamat hari kelahiran.

10 Zulhijjah 1410-1432

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I have been Tagged!

2011-11-03T12:55:00.002Z

Since Aina tagged me with a 'please', I guess she really wants me (and the other 10) to reply to this tag. Well, let's start knowing each other, shall we? :)

The Rules:

1. You must post these rules.

2. Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal.

3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post. And create 11 new questions for the people you tagged to answer.

4. You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them to the post.

5. Go to their page and tell them you have tagged him/her.

6. No tag back.

7. No stuff in the tagging section about 'You are tagged if you're reading this'. You legitimately (a.k.a really, trust, with all honesty) have to tag 11 people.

11 facts about me:

1. I hate to write facts about me.

2. I'm asthmatic.

3. I have many grey hairs and love the fact that I have them.

4. Aha, I'm bilingual! (This is really the post-assignment effect). Because I speak Kedah and English.

5. No, I'm not funny.

6. I use Colgate.

7. My current toothbrush is blue. I bought it in triplet and gave the pink one to Aina. The other one is orange.

8. I just don't know why I hate horror movie.

9. I wish I could spend my time reading all the books in my room.

10. I'm unorganized, I always think I'll grow up being a teacher like Linda.

11. I wish I can just wear black 'tudung bawal' everyday to school later when I become a teacher.

Response to Aina's questions:

1. What is the sport you enjoy the most?

Did I tell you that I'm not sporty? But I'd say I enjoy basketball.

2. The flower you like most?

Sunflower? And maybe the smell of Lavender.

3. Do you believe in superstitious, if yes, like what?

It's not that I believe, but I used to be superstitious of the number 23. Maybe it's just the observer paradox.

4. Close your eyes, and pause a few seconds. What's the first thing you think of?

"Why do I have to close my eyes and think for few seconds of the first thing I would think of?"

5. When's the last time you cry?

Few days ago.

6. Clap you shoulder three times each side. What do you feel?

I can feel that I'm quite strong.

7. Your ambition when you're in primary school.

Musician.

8. Do you like spicy foods or herbs?

I like spicy food better.

9. What's the cosmetic you think is most important? Eyeliner, lotion, etc.?

Well, I don't wear those. I don't know if toothpaste counts, it should be the most important one isn't it?

10. Math or Science?

Well, I wish I'm good at both. But I don't. I'd take easy Math.

11. Do you enjoy answering my questions? Bored, nothing or excited?

Hmm~*speechless*

My question to you!!

***Aina, if you read this make sure you answer this part for me (with a big PLEASE). XD

1. What would you prefer me to call you with?

2. What does your name mean?

3. Who's the last person who texted you?

4. Who's the last person you hugged?

5. Who's the last person you say 'I love you too' to?

6. Tell me what is the title of your favourite book (read)?

7. Tell me one of your favourite memories with me (or one you wish we could have done).

8. If you were to tell me one thing, what is it?

9. Tell me your purpose of life.

10. What touches your heart most?

11. Did I ever make any difference in your life?

11 ones who I love to hear.

New rules.

Because I know it is sooo very time consuming to reply to this tag, you can just answer the question part. :)

1. Chad

2. Tikahpadel

3. Maya

5. Aiman

6. Fitri

7. Aina (for question)

8. Awin

9. Arini

10. Pipah

11. Nur Raihan

2011-11-01T22:41:00.002Z

Sikittttt ja lagi Ayat.

Bertabahlah!

Huh!

2011-10-31T00:26:00.001Z

The moment I kneel;
I meet my God,
my heart speaks louder than ever,
God hears.
The moment I bow;
my forehead touches the ground,
my heart speaks louder than ever,
God hears.
The moment I ask;
that's the moment He replies.
The moment He replies,
that's the moment I cry.

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Tempat bersandar

2011-10-26T09:39:00.001+01:00

Terasa bagai diuji tentang kebergantungan lewat hari ni. Di sisi aku penuh berita kesakitan itu dan ini. Pada masa aku rasa diri ini berupaya aku cuba penuhi "sebab" dengan tubuh yang masih mampu melawat dan menjadi semangat mereka yang mendambakan nikmat kesihatan seperti sedia kala. Betapa aku diuji tentang kebergantungan, dan betapa aku ingin 'diberitahu' tentang batas-batas usahaku. Usahaku mungkin menjadi 'sebab'nya berlaku sesuatu tetapi takdir yang telah ditulis menyuruhku bersandar dan bertawakal kepada-Nya. Mungkin kehadiran ku pada 1 saat memberi kekuatan kepadanya untuk bangkit, tetapi ianya bukanlah segala-galanya yang dia perlukan. Terbukti bila aku rebah bersama, dan bila aku juga mengalami kesakitan, aku tidak lagi mampu menjadi penyandarnya. Aku mulai faham. Kerana dia juga tidak akan mampu menjadi penyandarku selamanya. Hati-hati ini dipegang dan setiap rasa itu adalah kurnia-Nya.

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2011-10-18T20:04:00.001+01:00

ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!
have the worse of mood today

*mengucap Ayat mengucap*

Hakikat

2011-10-16T20:51:00.001+01:00

Kadang bukan sesuatu yang berat bagi hidup seseorang akan kehadiran kita, mungkin bukan suatu topik yang penting, kerana manusia punya persepsi berbeza. Kita dilahirkan dengan fitrah untuk berlepas diri (survive). Tak kira dalam apa jua yang kita lakukan. Jika pandangan kita jauh, kita beroleh visi yang lebih dari berlepas diri pada takat hidup di dunia ni. Ironinya, survival pada kehidupan akan datang bermaksud tidak mementingkan diri pada kehidupan sekarang. Segalanya-galanya perlu dilepaskan, tiada satu pun permilikan itu yang bukan milik-Nya, dan kita perlu akur.

Jika kita tidak mampu bersama-sama orang lain dalam memperbaiki diri mereka, teruklah jika kita menghalang-halang jalan mereka untuk berubah. Jangan mementingkan diri walau terasa sesak di dada ketika kita merasakan diri jauh di belakang. Jika harga kasih sayang di dalam sebuah persahabatan itu terlalu tinggi, wajarlah jika kita berserah, walaupun sesuatu perubahan itu mengubah segala-segalanya.

Tapi kita perlu akur setiap perubahan itu perlu. Selemah-lemah manusia, adalah yang tidak punya niat untuk berubah. Dan sungguh, manusia yang mampu berinjak dari zon selesanya adalah manusia yang punya hati dan punya akal yang mampu berfikir jauh. Bukanlah soalnya selaju mana kita mampu bergerak, kerana 'laju' itu terlalu subjektif untuk didefinisikan. Fikir.

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Thanks Nurhanani!

2011-10-08T09:58:00.002+01:00

Thanks for giving it a thought to lend me this book

Really at the time i needed it.

Long lost

2011-10-05T23:57:00.004+01:00

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.

Ya Allah, it's because the wound is so deep, it took me so long since I have the guts to write again. And I avow, all the calamities are none but as remedies to expiate my sins. Bless me through my writing O Allah. Let me not violate myself and others who will be reading this.

In the Book, Allah tells us not to be sad, many many times. But through sadness, He actually makes us run back to Him and ask Him for directions. It happens to me all the times, and I know it is rather shameless to confess. It happened to me. Last time, writing was the strongest way to express myself, and I gave up writing. Instead, I tell Him everything. And I'm learning to.

I'm never a good friend. Never good to be a good friend. No, I'm not saying this to hear people say that 'No, you're not' and make myself flattered. I admit that none of His creations is ours. And everything from A to Z must come back to Him, for sure - as high as mountains and as deep as intentions. Well, everything that happened, taught me to act cool no matter how hard my feeling is. I'm learning to accept the undeniable truth that none is ours. None is yours and none is mine. Bluekkk.

*Other word for 'cool' is patient. *I just think it's cooler to use the word 'cool'.*

People give false hope. Even your bestest of friends. I learnt not to hope for people. You might not cross their mind when they're constantly in yours. Well, that sounds obsessive isn't it? But, yeah, just don't hope too much. Trust but not hope. Hope for the best to Whom you can sprint to. Allah. Hope for His forgiveness. Hope for His heaven. Hope to see your most loved friend in Heaven. So, pray.

Your bestest of friend couldn't guarantee you love. Not always like you expect them to. Even when they say they do love you, and need you, or miss your presence. Because they're human like you. 'I love you', 'I do need you', and 'I miss you' are catchy phrase that friends say to remain friends. Sometimes they don't really mean anything. Well, though sometimes they do.

The bestest of human being is him who is most conscious of Allah. I have all the friends who are great. Who remind me toward goodness. Who give salaam to me whenever we meet and who pray for each other. But sometimes, even the best of human beings don't seem understanding to you. Just like most of the time I didn't.

Love. Hope. Friendship.

Love much. Don't hope love in return. And friendship?...

Run back to Him. Even your bestest and the most loved friend couldn't guarantee you they love you unconditionally. He loves you. He loves us, though He don't need to have us saying that.

But human I am. I can't help it but to say that phrase over and over again. Not until I get tired of loving. And I pray to Allah, I'll never get tired of loving someone like you.

I love you, my friend.

I love you that I'm happy to see you happy.

I'm glad to see you surrounded by good friends.

I love you now and then.

And yet, I don't have the reason why.

Maybe it's Allah's.

No, it sure is Allah's.

I love you.

Though you are not mine to keep, nor I am yours.

And I will write again

2011-09-30T20:31:00.003+01:00

Too short a date.

2011-07-30T16:03:00.003+01:00

You were there for summer dreaming,

and you are a friend indeed,

And I hope you'll find your freedom,

for eternity.

For eternity.

At least I know you were there.

Mak, did I ever tell you?

2011-07-28T17:38:00.003+01:00

Mak,

Did I ever tell you?

that I could never cook for you the most delicious meal you'd enjoy,

but I'll always be there when you're cooking the most delicious meal in the world.

Did I ever tell you,

that I could never polish those coppers till they shine like new?

but I would try to do it till they please you.

Did I ever tell you,

why I was always there doing nothing in the kitchen?

that is to not let you feel alone.

Did I ever tell you,

that I could never work as much as you?

but I would stand and stay as much as you do.

Mak did you ever know why I always look at you?

It's because I love you too.

I love you three.

I love you four.

So on and so forth.

I need tarbiyyah.

2011-07-28T17:35:00.002+01:00

I've been wasting so much time.

I don't understand what I see.

I'm not sure of what I feel.

I think I need what people called 'tarbiyyah'.

Somebody help me.

Think of me

2011-07-27T08:09:00.000+01:00

Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while -
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that, once again, you long
to take your heart back and be free -
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the way things
might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do -
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you . . .

Flowers fades,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have their seasons, so do we
but please promise me, that sometimes
you will think of me!

Tahniah Tikah sebab jadik follower aku yang ke-46. Awat tak tunggu sampai 88?

2011-07-27T06:38:00.001+01:00

Only you know me

2011-07-26T04:54:00.004+01:00

I miss you so much

I miss you too much

I miss you

Nenek...

When reaching Ramadhan

I always remember Nenek

Because she left me when Ramadhan ends

and Syawal begins

If I were to pay the most expensive price for a picture

It would be the picture of me and her

I regret, I don't keep even a single piece

I got scared every time I couldn't recall her face

and her scent

Her arms that were laid for me to sleep on

I got scared if I happened to forget anything about her

Her scent that I used to smell

The songs that I used to listen in her house

The scent of my childhood

My childhood is half with her

Some things that I couldn't remember

and I believe only she knows

Only she can tell

Nenek. You're not my blood nor water, but you are my vessel.

I miss you like you missed me.

Al-fatihah.

I wanna be good. I wanna go to heaven when I die.

2011-07-25T08:01:00.001+01:00

Don't be sad

2011-07-20T05:12:00.003+01:00

Don't be sad,

Because even though you don't let me share those pain,

I would take it from you without permission.

At the very least,

you know I was there.

Though there's not much I can do,

But,

so that at least you know,

The world around you may keep going,

But someone has come to halt with you,

Me.

Turn your face as much as you want,

Don't even look at me,

Pretend I wasn't there,

but I'd come to you wherever you stand,

no matter how hard you push me away,

Just in case

You'd need my shoulder.

You're not alone.

I'm not going anywhere.

Nice girl I know

2011-07-12T18:15:00.002+01:00

Nurhanani Rosli

I don't like people to read me. But I can't help myself not to blog.

2011-07-12T09:57:00.001+01:00

Life in Burrell

2011-07-12T06:17:00.011+01:00

Moving in. Look at our bags~

3rd day in Burrell. We made ourselves some BBQ in Southsea.

Went to London. Spent the time around London. Had to pay quite an amount for the return ticket as we hopped onto the wrong train.

Went to Fareham for Halal Nando's. Celebrating my birthday with Eci. Had a great time moving around Fareham. Will definitely go there again next time.

Celebrating birthday in Burrell House. Thanks friends!

Last goodbye with Min Hee. Min Hee stayed at Burrell the day before she left Portsmouth.

Nice lunch at the day we were leaving. Golden Bowl!

Leaving. Look at our bags.

There're lots of things happened, unspoken, yet a still-frame in my mind. Had a great stay with everyone.

Thunderstruck again. Terasa seperti dipanah petir kat dada.

2011-07-11T08:30:00.000+01:00

Eci

2011-07-09T20:16:00.002+01:00

Eci loves these minions from Despicable Me.

"A friend shares good times"

2011-07-07T08:46:00.003+01:00

For all these time I thought my absence have brought thousands of changes. But I was wrong. What was here hadn't changed, and new things have been brought up instead.

Plain sadness.

It's your 21st birthday, Raihan

2011-07-02T16:03:00.006+01:00

When we were in the first semester of our foundation year, Nur Raihan was my best friend. We never claimed that we were, but we sort of knew it ourselves. We used to have only each other. We didn't talk much, we always enjoy the silence in our room. But every time we talked, we talked to know ourselves better. We get along so fast, so easily. We used to hold each others' hand when we walked to class every morning. Then one morning she asked me, "Is there any room mates as close as us?". That time, I kept silent. But I really wanted to answer "I think no". Our friendship is hard to explain, she's so special to me as I am to her.

I always remember, she used to cook on Ramadhan during Sahur every morning. One day, I had a leave for a JPJ test to get my license. That was the first time she went to college alone and I heard that she cried that morning but for an unknown reason. I never quite sure why it was like that, but I'm most touched when she said during that hard time to one of my friend, "Ayat is not here". I don't care if she meant it, I was still so touched. In our college, she's the first person who befriended me. She knew me before anyone else do. She knew what I like and don't like.

We had the time when we had a hard feeling to each other. We brought ourselves to isolation and the time was very hard for both of us. It was to extend that we could never be like we were before. But Alhamdulillah time heals it all. As we grew up, we know that it's all the process of knowing ourselves better.

To me, Nur Raihan is someone so special and dear. Our memories are our treat to our deep and lasting friendship. She's someone who's always near to my prayers and never far from my heart. Alhamdulillah she's reaching her 21st year today on 3rd July 2011. These are the things that I really wanted to say.

"I love you"

Inspiration About Life

2011-07-01T20:26:00.001+01:00

Inspiration About Life.

1)Attitude is what life is all about……. Soldier: “sir we are surrounded from all sides by enemies.” Major: “excellent! We can attack in any direction.” (please note: i am not encouraging war or any other hurtful destroying tactics.)

2) Everyone knows about Alexander Graham bell who invented the telephone, but he never made a call to his family as his wife and daughter were deaf. That’s life “live for others.”

3) The worst in life is “attachment” it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is “loneliness” because it teaches you everything and, when you lose it, you get everything.

4) Life is not about the people who act true to your face…….. It’s about the people who remain true behind your back.

5) If an egg is broken by an outside force……..a life ends. If an egg breaks from within…….life begins. Great things always begin from within.

6) It’s better to lose your ego to the one you love. Than to lose the one you love……. All because of your ego.

7) A relationship doesn’t shine by just shaking hands at the best of times. But it blossoms by holding firmly in critical situations.

8) Heated gold becomes ornaments. Batted copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So, the more pain you get in your life the more valuable you become.

9) When you trust someone trust him completely without any doubt………….. At the end you would get one of the two: Either a lesson for your life or a very good person.

10) Why do we have so many houses of worship, if Allah- God is everywhere? A wise man said: “air is everywhere, but we still need a fan to feel it.”

Source: Islamic Quotes, Hadiths, Stories and Tips

Statement

2011-07-01T19:21:00.001+01:00

SAYA BUKAN SEORANG YANG GANAS

Royal Brunei

2011-06-29T05:00:00.008+01:00

Salam.

For those of you who wish to travel by Royal Brunei with big luggage and small pocket, my advice to you is simply a NO! I bet you don't want to travel with them as soon as you reach the check-in. Unless you just wanna have the feeling how "royal" the Royal Brunei is, you will sort of 'liking' it. But as I said, sort of. Because it is the cut-throat airlines and a bullier for students who are excited to go home with empty pockets. Whenever I think about my experience with them, I will get as angry as Chris Brown. This is what happened.

Eci and me were the only students from our university to travel with this airline. So we have got no feedback or whatsoever before we traveled with them. But as we're students, we're of course broke! We expect flexibility with the luggage weight and we put our things to the extent that we exceeded our luggage allowance limit which was 20kg. Too bad, things were not that easy on us. Even cruel-er than we have expected.

We went to the check-in counter. At the counter was a man, looked like a Malay Brunei. He weighted our luggage and said that we exceeded, mine and Eci's was about 4 kilos each. He said we have 3 options. 1) Pay GBP36 for each kilos. We have about 8 kilos, then it would be GBP288 altogether. 2) Unpack and leave (Throw/donate/forget about it) our things there. 8 kilos of them which was utterly an impossibility. 3) You can ship them. Which will cost less lalalala~

And I went,...'WHAT? Cummon, we're students, please be more considerate'. And I remember he said "LAST MONTH we still give until about 23kg". It was always last month to a newcomer from a cut-throat. Eci insisted to just pay it, considering the long queue at our back. I continued pleading and crying for 1 or 2 kilos less even if we have to pay it. He said "I can't do anything. If I give you now, they'll weight it again later and I will get into trouble". I don't know who are the 'they' he was talking about and no one even check our luggage, or weight it, or complain anything about it and even know the luggage was ours! And he asked about our hand-luggage. Also we're exceeding the 7kilos limit about 2-3kilos. But the hand-luggage that were not conventionally weight were weighted during the check-in. Then, you guess what happened.

He said excluding the laptop, he will still allow the hand-luggage until 10kilos. He sort of 'saving' us from a double trouble. Then Eci and me decided to just pay for the extra 8kilos which cost GBP288.

After the payment was reluctantly done at a different counter, we went to the check-in counter once again to get our boarding pass. Unfortunately we had a different check-in counter, with different receptionist, with different mind. A Chinese lady. I handed her the payment receipt and she started to weigh our luggage once again. This was when she start complaining about the points behind the 8kilos that we have. It was about 0.5kilos and she started questioning as if she wanted us to pay for the extra point form. I went..."WHAT THE HELL! That man over there weighed it alright, and he was the one that issued the receipt to us." With the unsatisfied face, she asked me which man, and which counter, while I continued to weep. Once again, even crueler she asked us about our hand-luggage and started want to make money with our hand-luggage too. She weighed it and said it should be only 7kilos with or without laptop! I was tired of quarreling and furiously threw away all the things inside my hand-luggage to make it exactly 7kilos without any points following it. This was nothing but a bully! No airlines ever care how much your hand-luggage are be it Ryanair or AirAsia! Yes, I made it. I threw it all away, so do Eci.

I wept and cursed and lost my temper that day in Heathrow. I even lost the heart to go home. Thanks to all friends that helped us to take all our left things. I was so touched by their kindness. Even though everything wasn't so smooth for us, we were not as ease, but we have the friend in need in return.

Thanks Kak Lang, Ninis, Kak Hajar, and Zaidi. I was touched even more when each one of them cried and so understandingly shared our pain. Thanks, friends!

I want to say...

2011-06-25T17:05:00.000+01:00

NOTHING

muahahaha

Tell me I'm special even when I know I'm not

2011-06-23T19:16:00.001+01:00

Mak kata, 'Adik lahir tak normal. Masa adik nak lahir, mak kluar masuk hospital, kena induced, kena paksa keluar dari perut mak before tarikh yang sepatutnya. Masa tu dekat nak raya haji sebab mak ingat lepas adik lahir tu tak berapa hari lepas tu cuti. Ayah tak da, masa tu baru pindah Melaka. Adik lahir 10.45 pagi tak macam adik beradik lain yang lahir pukul either 7.45 pagi or malam.'

Tiap-tiap tahun besday saya, mesti saya menangis. Saya slalu ingat family saya tak peduli. Saya slalu rasa, saya tak dapat part of attention yang patut saya dapat masa besday saya. Tiap-tiap tahun pun macam tu. Even though saya tau mak ayah ngan adik beradik lain akan busy masa tu, harapan saya untuk dorg ingat mesti menggunung tinggi walaupun kadang-kadang saya buat-buat tak tau.

Tapi tahun ni, saya balik dari satu tempat yang sangat jauh. Hati saya cuma ada satu wish, that is, cuma nak BERSAMA dorg. Ingat atau tak, saya cuma nak ada bersama dorg. Saya betul-betul tak nak apa-apa selain bersama dorg. Saya tak letak harapan apa-apa asalkan saya berada didalam rumah yang sama dengan dorg. Present? Lagi la tak terfikir. Tak terlintas satu pun yang berbentuk material untuk kepuasan diri ni.

Tak macam taun lepas-lepas, hari ni semua dapat gather dan makan sama-sama betul-betul pada tarikh 23 Jun. Dan tahun ni masa saya kek, saya paling terharu semua adik beradik saya angkat tangan baca doa untuk saya. Even though takda sapa-sapa yang volunteer untuk baca doa lagi tahun ni, dorg suma masing-masing berdoa untuk saya. Lepas tu, before saya makan kek yang ada kt depan saya, saya angkat tangan baca doa sendiri. Tangan saya tutup ke muka, dan untuk pertama kalinya saya menangis sebab terharu sangat-sangat dgn family saya. Mereka sangat sayangkan anak bongsu mereka ni.

Ayah dan Mak, thanks is just not enough. I owe this 21 years to both of you, but only Allah the Almighty can do the pay back. Thanks for bringing me up so well. I love you.

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Happy Birthday

2011-06-21T20:51:00.001+01:00

Tomorrow's my birthday.

Happy Birthday to me.

2011-06-17T21:13:00.001+01:00

So much happened.
So much to tell.
I'm home.

Fail

2011-06-09T19:12:00.001+01:00

Perasaan ni sama macam dapat kertas periksa yang ada pangkah besar2..SALAH!

When you crapped in your essay you will at least get the mark for your crapping.

But when everything's wrong, no matter how much you answer, how well, you are WRONG!

That's what happened. I'm not graded for my answers because I've been wronged since begining.

There's no use. I've failed that paper.

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Goodbye Maggie

2011-06-05T09:51:00.002+01:00

Goodbye Margaret Rule. You have been nice to me.

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Anna Benice

2011-06-04T02:51:00.002+01:00

My friendship of Wisdom.

Anna, you've made me realise so many things in life.

Thanks for keep telling me that I am special.

Thanks for keep believing me, that my potential is vast.

Thanks for your words of wisdom.

Thanks for the time.

Thanks for the hugs.

Thanks for the lovely kisses.

I can never thank you enough.

Thanks very much Anna.

I love you and I'll be missing you.

-ayat-

Storage

2011-06-03T20:18:00.002+01:00

Alhamdulillah, our team rocket has successfully moved all the belongings to the storage. Everything went smoothly with some occasional backache. We met nice and helpful people along the way. Lily had her iphone missing in the taxi for a while, but luckily we managed to get hold of the taxi driver and she got back her phone. My room doesn't really look like I'm moving for good, it doesn't look empty. Going to enjoy the stay as much as I can. I'm so gonna miss the bed. I miss Rehe already. I hope she's fine there. The container would certainly be burning hot in the summer.

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Dulu masa sekolah rendah

2011-06-02T17:47:00.015+01:00

Masa sekolah rendah ada beberapa benda yang paling takleh lupa.

Ampa suma ingat tak masa kita skolah rendah slalu ja kat skolah ada jual majalah contohnya: Educator, Asuh, Kuntum, Tunas Sains, Rakan Sains etc.

Pastu kalau teringin sangat-sangat tapi takda duit, hutang. hehe. Masa sekolah rendah dulu, asal beli majalah ja mesti nak masuk peraduan. Nak-nak peraduan mewarna. Pastu dulu-dulu sebab slalu beli majalah Asuh, effect dia, kalau terbayang syaitan mesti muka dia camni,

Pastu masa zaman sekolah rendah dulu ingat tak kad nama yang RM 3? Siap ada katalog lagi untuk order. Masa tu RM 3 tu punya la banyak nilai dia, so sesapa yang kaya-kaya ja la yang slalu buat. Tapi even camtu, mesti yang tak berapa berduit pun penah buat gak kan?hehe. Pastu bila dah buat sayang nak bagi orang. Macam-macam gambaq ada. Tapi yang femes Titanic ngan backstreet boy la zaman tu. Nak order tu siap kena isi borang lagi. Kena letak ucapan plak tu. Antara ucapan-ucapan yang tak bleh blah adalah 'Kenang daku dalam doamu', 'Remember me always' dan sebagainya. hehe.

ni bukan saya punya

Then benda yang femes masa skolah dulu, sticker. Budak-budak kat msia memang sangat suka sticker. Tak tau la apa yang menarik sangat tapi masa saya kecik-kecik pun sticker adalah benda yang sangat irresistible. Pastu ada ja kawan yang jual sticker. Kalau cikgu suruh buat folio ke, mula la nak tampal sticker dari muka depan ke blakang sampai tak patut-patut.

Lagi satu Tamaguchi aka cyber pet. Benda alah ni femes masa saya Darjah 1 Darjah 2. Kalau budak-budak sekarang ada henfon, budak-budak dulu mesti ada tamaguchi. Kalau tak da pun, tamaguchi mesti adalah salah satu benda yang menjadik idaman budak-budak baya-baya kita masa tu. Ada yang mak ayah belikan. Ada gak yang beli kat mesin tikam masuk 50sen x 2, nasib baik, dapat la tamaguchi seketoi~hehe (macam saya kecik-kecik dulu)

Masa darjah 2, cita Titanic punya la femes. Sampaikan tisu pun gambar Titanic. Pastu budak-budak laki zaman tu suma nak buat rambut M macam Jack. huhu~

Pastu slalu dulu masa skolah ada Milo datang bagi minum free. Pergh memang best la. Pastu kadang-kadang ada Cornflake datang gak bagi cornflake+susu free. ^^. Rindu betoi.

Then slalu gak Vitagen ngan susu 'cap apa tah' datang skolah buat bisnes. Yang best tu bila nak order siap ada form. Pastu kena tick yang mana nak. Macam tau-tau ja budak kecik suka isi form. Rasa cam dah besar ^^.

Pastu zaman tulis biodata. Masa kecik-kecik dulu kalau beli buku yang cantik sket atau hardcover mesti nak buat buku biodata. Huhu~kat sini la suma kawan-kawan nak mengexpresskan diri dengan menunjukkan ke-kreatifan masing-masing. Lawak gila bila ingat detail-detail yang ada kat dlm buku biodata tu. Kadang-kadang siap ada yang tulis 'Kawan yang dibenci:...'. Then bila kawan tu buat biodata beliau dalam buku yang sama, nampak la yang dia ni kawan yang dibenci..huhu.. Pastu macam-macam lagi la, ucapan la, impian hidup la, kenangan pahit la, etc. Lagi best kalau ada yang nak berahsia tapi letak gak bullet untuk detail tertentu. Contohnya macam:

Kenangan Manis: Pergi ke Cameron Highland

Kenangan Pahit: Rahsia.

Pastu slalu ja ada yang potong gambaq artis yang depa minat pelekat kat biodata tu. =))

Masa saya kecik-kecik saya banyak kawan laki. So selalu ja main lawan pemadam. Sapa menang dapat la pemadam kawan tu. So pemadam yang sekupang ada bendera tu menjadik kegilaan untuk dibuat koleksi.

Pastu bila dah moden sikit baru la ada beg tarik 'Poly Pack' sebab kalau malaih tengok jadual memang nak patah la pinggang bawak bag pack pi skolah ngan buku teks yang banyak.

Then masa dah darjah 5 darjah 6 pensel shaker plak yang menjadik kegilaan. Punya la bangga kalau orang lain pakai pensel picit kita dapat shake-shake pensel. Tapi masa tu pensel shaker mahai. Saya dah masuk skolah menengah baru ada.

Remember

2011-06-02T01:30:00.001+01:00

What?
...nothing.

Just missing.

I knew that this feeling will hit again. It's the feeling when you don't want to go back to a place where you know someone who used to live in it is no longer there. It is the feeling of 'missing'. And you know you could never be there for the same reason again. I used to feel like this a year ago. The stairs that I used to climb effortlessly became so strange and high because I know at the uphill I'll not get to see what I already used to. This feeling is strange, but this is me. Afraid of so many things. I wish I were stronger over time, yet this proves that I've never changed from last time. Afraid of losing.

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JUNE 5th

2011-06-01T01:50:00.001+01:00

JUNE 5th, is the date of hostel kick-out. Last year the date was my last day in IPDA hostel. And this year, this room. I'll miss this room seriously, I hate to move out. Even though the rent chokes, it is my only home here. It is the place where I wanted to be most in UK when I was out travelling. It is the place where I can say 'Alhamdulillah, I'm home, safely'. The time is short, and I always hate the ending. I really started to feel the comfort of this room, even though it could make me extremely lonely sometimes. JUNE 5th. P2/T3/35 i miss your comfort, and 2-10-3, goodbye. T^T

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Shigan

2011-05-30T04:00:00.001+01:00

Shigan. Jikan. Time. Masa.
Moves, circles, and never come back.
A thing that you'll never catch back once you lose it.
24hours a day. Is it the same for everybody? Hours is only the measurement of time. Some people have 'not enough time', some have 'free time', the others 'don't have time at all'.
Where's the hours gone then? Where's all the measurement gone? When every people in this world starts their day with 00:00 and end their day with 23:59? Isn't it has something to do with the Omnipotent? The time Giver.
What do you think He is giving you when He make you lost interested in something you were once devoted and obsessed to? What do you think He is giving you when He broke your only source of connectivity with the world? What do you think He is giving you when He delays your appointment with someone you really want to meet? Isn't He giving you the time? Time worth the most precious thing in this world, even more than gold. He is giving us time. Time. Think. Why? There's something needs mend.

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A day with Raihan

2011-05-27T02:56:00.001+01:00

Everything that I wanna say has just mixed up by the time I'm writing this, all I know is I'm so happy and grateful. It's been sooo long since we went out and spend time together. And I've been missing to have her around like today a lot.
Thanks Raihan. :)
Remember to keep and unwrap 'it' on July 3rd ;)

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How much does it mean to me?

2011-05-27T00:30:00.003+01:00

Words touch human's heart. It comes from the kindness within, when sincerely expressed. I am especially fond of kindness no matter in the form of actions or words. And I'm dumb at expression so I'd rather use words to clarify my feeling, contentment, and gratitude to kindness. I celebrate love, yet not in a 'relationship with' (you know what I mean) but mostly in friendship and kinship. I love to call everyone my siblings and I do have a certain degree of intimacy with a few friends. I'm cheap with affection, and I have my words to express it. But, I am not a person who can say my words aloud without thinking. Yes, I'm a language learners, and forming sentence would seem easy and handy. But tell ya, I don't do impromptu talking. So my words, how much do they mean? If any of you have ever heard I say 'I love you', I really mean it. I don't simply say it, I leave a space within my heart to say that you belong there and a lot of courage for me to say so. That is how it means to me.

2011-05-22T21:09:00.001+01:00

I dont wanna talk
Until I only say
The things that are beneficial
To the hearer

Can I do it?
I'll try.

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2011-05-22T00:47:00.002+01:00

I've had more than enough from what I deserve.

I'm grateful.

But still, I'm so sorry.

Aku ingin..

2011-05-21T03:34:00.001+01:00

Aku ingin tidur dan jaga ku kerana Tuhanku,
Aku ingin makan dan lapar ku kerana Tuhanku,
Aku ingin minum dan dahaga ku kerana Tuhanku,
Aku ingin percakapan dan pekerjaan ku kerana Tuhanku,
Aku ingin baca dan tulisku kerana Tuhanku,
Aku ingin niat ku dan doa ku kerana Tuhanku,
Aku ingin kasih dan sayang ku kerana Tuhanku,
Aku tidak ingin elok di depan mata manusia tetapi buruk di pandangan Tuhanku,
Aku tidak ingin menzalimi diriku di depan Tuhanku.

Ya Allah, tunjukkan aku jalan yang lurus dan jalan yang Engkau redhai.

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Let go.

2011-05-16T00:27:00.001+01:00

I remember the speech by Jalal Ibn Sa'eed.
Who says that 'we mustn't be sad'.
The reason that a person is sad is because of his/her unaccomplished desires.
And the only means we have, is to let go.
Because when we keep holding on,
It will only cause more pain, and depression.
Let go. I've been thinking so many times to let go of this feeling. But I'm such a loser, I can't.
His speech has indeed gives an inspiration to me, in many many ways.
So everytime when I feel sad over something, I should just let go.
I hope I could run back to Allah, and ask myself what my heart is actually up to.
This things really pull myself down to the lowest bottom,
I shouldn't have looked at it.
Be patient,
Slowly open up your grip
And let go.
Yes it hurts.
But, let go.
And ask yourself why you should be sad.

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Kecewa

2011-05-15T17:51:00.002+01:00

Salam.
Saya sebenarnya....
tengah sangat amat terlalu tensyen dan stress
sebab saya dah duk kat library selama beberapa jam
tapi mental saya tetap block
saya tak dapat nak tulis apa-apa kat dalam lesson plan
nasib baik la lesson plan tu ada layout
takda la nampak kertas putih ja kat screen ni
saya sebenarnya....
ada exam esok
saya lansung tak study apa-apa
sebab asik sibuk buat esaimen
tapi lesson plan ni
boleh kira the last esaimen yang nak kena buat
arghhh..seteress..seteresss
mungkin saya perlukan rehat
tapi saya rasa dah tersangat cukup rehat
haih~mungkin mental yang belum bersedia
atau mungkin saya tak berbakat buat lesson plan
ya, saya sebenarnya....
adalah seorang yang sangat tak organise
so bila sampai kat keja-keja yang memerlukan organisation cam ni
saya memang sangat lembab
agaknya macam mana la neuron-neuron dalam otak saya ni ek
ya saya perlukan rehat mungkin
arghhh..esok exam!!
lepas tu saya biziiiii~
=.=''
kecewa~

2011-05-15T03:36:00.001+01:00

Traveller, I am
Whose bag is empty
Whose map is burnt
Whose stomach is starving
I shouldn't have started
Look, I'm stranded at the end of the road
I have no food left,
And I don't know how to beg.
I don't know where to go,
There's no one I know,
I shouldn't have started
I don't know how I get this far,
From shoed to barefoot.
I've been standing here
since i don't know when
Sunny or rainy days,
I haven't got much choice,
It's either I continue walking, barefoot,
On my own shaking feet,
Or rot here in disgrace,
Because it's impossible to turn back.
It's impossible.
To turn to the sinful me.

Maybe there's someone in front
Would give me new pair of shoes
So that I could keep walking
And complete this long long journey.

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Futile

2011-05-11T03:21:00.001+01:00

For once more, she made me ponder the futility of this life.And this world is but the stage for fools.Life is brief..silence.

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Something

2011-05-08T22:09:00.003+01:00

We are of different personalities. Peculiar. I really miss them. The shopaholic, the animeholic (not in the picture), the boyish and the diva to be together. To throw jokes and to tease each other. To sit around the dining table and have dinner together. I swear the first time when all of us get to be together again, I would tell them how much I love everyone of them. Those seem simple, aren't they? Yes, I did feel that way. Not until you lose them. You'd realize that those simple things really mean something.

There's no place like home, It's not the building blocks that give you the roof and shelter. It means more than that. It is the bond that you have, wherever and whenever you have them by your side, homeless or possessless, they are the blanket that keeps you warm, they are the arms that hold, they are the fragrance to your name, they are the mirrors of your self, they are the feet when you fall, when you're hungry they are the hands that feed, when you faint they are your blood, and when you cry they are the shoulders.

They could mean your nothing and something all at once. They are your blood, your siblings, your family.

Hari ini hari ibu.

2011-05-07T14:42:00.003+01:00

Mak,
Nak ayaq Melo,
Mak,
Nak kacang tumbuk,
Mak,
Nak makan pindang,
Mak,
Nanti singgah Apollo sat eh, teringin nak makan naget.
Mak,
Teringin nak makan nasik ayam,
Mak,
Arini adik kena marah sebab tak siap keja skolah,
Mak,
Adik sedih,
Mak,
Arini adik kena puji ngan cikgu,
Mak,
Adik gaduh ngan kawan,
Mak,
Adik sakit dada,
Mak,
Adik demam,
Mak,
Mak,
Mak,
Mak,
Silly me, I don't even know how to thank you,
Silly me, I don't even know how to tell you I love you most,
Silly me, I don't even know how to show you that I appreciate you the most,
If you don't know,
If I don't ever let you know,
Mak, I love you more than myself,
Forgive me my words, forgive me my resilience,
For every single thing that you've done for our sake,
For your love and affection,
For bringing us up so well,
I, I don't know how to say this...

But from the deep bottom of my heart,
Thanks for everything Mak.
I love you the most.
You're the greatest gift from God to me.
I'm proud to be born from your womb.

Library Dilemma 2

2011-05-06T01:05:00.002+01:00

In library. 1am. Its a blessing that it opens 24/7. Alhamdulillah.
Assignments, is an endless list. Presentation and exam, not excluded.
I, am tired really. Well, everyone does.
Frustrated, quite. But its a trial, a trial with a series of fortunate events.
Allah has lighten so much of the burden. Its a shame to whine.
I'm writing, because I love writing the things that I love.
And I'm supposed to be writing, yet I'm writing something else.
I don't know why it suddenly sounds very semantical. It's not my intention.
I'm just tired really. I miss the comfort of room.
Everyone misses home, I do too.
Of course I do, I haven't seen them for weeks!
They missed me too, but I have much to do.
I couldn't see them yet, I'm afraid I couldn't let go.
Time seems running out so fast,
when thinking home, decelerates.

Stay strong. Firm. and Work Hard!
Wish me luck!

library dilemma

2011-05-03T03:50:00.001+01:00

I've finished my GL assignment.
Alhamdulillah...can't help myself from being relieved. It's a tough one I could say. One thing, my laptop's broken. Before I could start doing it,I fell sick. When I recovered and wanna start doing it, library was closed on Sundays! Didn't get to use the library PCs. When I start doing it, library was only opened until 6pm. When I'm desperate to finish it library was full. But good things did happen. Or shall I say, miracle?
When I'm sick many lovely friends took care of me. When I went to the library on Sunday after recovered, the library is closed, so I had an extra rest. When the library closed at 6pm I rushed and work more efficient. And when the library was full, I went back to my room, with a pinch or - no hope at all, I tried to switch on my dead laptop..........and it's alive!!!
Alhamdulillah.....
With that long-dead laptop, I finished my assignment today. At last, finally.

The clouds might cover the blue sky sometimes,
But the sunshines is just behind.

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Who are you?

2011-05-01T22:59:00.001+01:00

We've been friends for years,
But I haven't known you just yet,
Who are you?
What connected us?
Four walls and one roof
prison connected us.
The place where we both didn't want to be,
We were just lonely people at that time,
Who had been imprisoned
You are not a choice of mine,
Nor did I the choice of yours to be with
Someone else were always on our minds,
And we never thought when we are both free,
We would be in each other's mind this much,
But,
Who are you?
I only realize I haven't known you
When I was freed,
Did I tell you who am I?
I don't realize that I'm a friend of a stranger,
And I don't want to be a stranger to you again.

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Doa

2011-04-30T20:27:00.001+01:00

So many people pray for me
To recover,
For having a good health,
I really, really appreciate it.

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2011-04-22T00:52:00.001+01:00

Sakitnya demam kali ni.

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Backward

2011-04-20T15:58:00.001+01:00

Little by little,
As you go in front, I will stay.
Just hoping that you may turn back when you want to,
Even though i know the smile would fade as you walk further,
I will still see it,
Because I remember.
Even if it takes forever,
When this feet gets stonger,
I'll start moving backward,
One step after another.
All I need is the strength to go on,
The strength to feel nothing,
Before I could move backward.
Until that time then,
Just continue walking,
And look back when you want to,
I'm here,
I'm not moving.

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Stansted

2011-04-14T03:55:00.001+01:00

So cold, my body shievered,
Bearing the freezy weather
With two thin layers of shirts
How am I going to stand tomorrows?
British weather is unpredictable,
Crazy as its people, but not scary.

I'm waiting for the 6.30am flight to Dublin,
The place where many friends back home long to be,
And now I'm lying on the airport floor,
Hard and back-aching,
It is not as easy as it seems,
Far too difficult from our teenage dream.

I will remember the scent of this place,
When my mouth got lazy as people who can't sleep and can't talk,
There's no one to talk to,
Though some unknown chattering could be heard.

Trying to sleep pretty hard,
But my back ache even harder,
So I'll just wait for everyone to get up,
Tomorrow's life is as a traveller.

14.04.11 - 3:56am

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2011-04-09T01:58:00.001+01:00

Rajin pulak update blog time laptop rosak ni kan.
Tak boleh tido, rasa homesick - biasa la tu. Bila laptop rosak rasa terpisah dari dunia luar. Tiba-tiba rasa sangat sunyi.
Asyik pikir macam mana nak survive bila semua orang dah terbang balik ke M'sia. Aku masih kat sini. Mesti Portsmouth akan jadi sangat alien dan sunyi. Tak sabar nak balik M'sia tapi masih takut nak terima kenyataan. Masih belum bersedia. Banyak benda yang dah berubah. Makin hari rasa makin down, cuba untuk stand still and macam takda apa-apa yang jadi. Tapi hakikatnya rasa diri semakin jauh dan tak layak.

Tak faham kan? Aku pun tak paham.

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2011-04-08T01:27:00.001+01:00

"Despair is a sin you can't avoid". But by any means, don't ever lose hope.

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2011-04-07T22:36:00.002+01:00

Now at this moment, I'm supposed to be writing my final draft assignment. But something just come to my mind. Time. Why is it matter? Because it accelerates. Last time a Physic teacher would say 'Time is constant'. But it obviously don't. It accelerates. It accelerates to an unknown end - the moment that only God knows. When our deeds are measured, accepted or rejected. Its funny when these deeds are said as 'the product of a conscious mind', the mind that able to distinguish the rights and the wrongs, while the heart knows not what they really mean. Why heart? Because the heart knows most of the reason that the reason knows not. Think of all the 'good' things we've done so far. Think of how many of them will be 'accepted' or 'rejected'. Creepy isn't it?

2011-04-04T00:43:00.001+01:00

Betapa jika kita sedar akan keupayaan kita yang serba terbatas,
permilikan kita yang serba goyah,
dan siapa kita pada hari akhir,
mungkin kita tidaknya siapa kita pada hari ini.
Mungkin kita tidak bersuara selayaknya kita pada hari ini,
Mungkin kita akan meleraikan segala cita-cita yang seperti hampas di tangan,
dan kembali.
Betapa kita tidak tahu siapa kita sebenarnya.

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2011-04-01T22:09:00.001+01:00

Jadikanlah aku di kalangan mereka yang insaf ya Allah. Tempatkanlah aku di kalangan hambaMu yang bersyukur. Sesungguhnya hanya padaMu aku bertaubat, hanya padaMu aku kembali ya Allah. Jadikanlah aku di kalangan mereka yang insaf ya Allah.

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Get well soon!

2011-03-28T23:09:00.003+01:00

I don't have the power to cure,

I don't have the time to stay around,

I don't have a smile that warms,

I don't have the words to keep you strong,

I don't have the hands to hold and keep you balanced,

But I have all my prayers that ask Allah,

to grant you a good health,

my prayer as a pretence that I'm always around,

and that to always make you feel happy,

and the strength whenever you need to feel strong.

May He ease everything for you.

Get well soon, Nur Raihan!

Too much

2011-03-21T18:47:00.004Z

Sorry blog. I only come in when I really need someone to talk to.

If you say you hurt so much, I hurt more than you.

What is the reason that you become so displeased?

Because you don't get it, you don't want to understand, you don't try to.

This is simply unfair to me and to someone I want to cherish.

It's especially unfair to my life. And can you tell me what is unfair to you?

Tell me what is unfair to you this time.

If you are hurt because of your conflict inside,

It's because you never get satisfied.

And I'm the one who always want to make you feel pleased,

And you are pleased with everything.

But why not this time? Why not last time? Why it is simply a no-no?

You don't possess me.

I have life.

I don't ask for anything.

Just allow me to cherish what I want.

That's the least I can do.

I'm human.

I have life. It's my life anyway.

But I've lived it the way that pleases you

The way that could always put a smile on your face

The way that only you and I know

I don't regret it, I don't hate it

I'm used to it, it became a part of my life.

So you don't have to worry.

I'll not be running away.

You just don't get it.

2011-03-20T01:24:00.004Z

I am a person who always regret my yesterdays. I always think that I'm not good, even now, and maybe tomorrow I will think the same. I wasn't born with confidence. I always need someone who could tell me that what I do is right. Otherwise I would remain lost. My little confidence that I have now is something that I hardly build over time and I might lose it again tomorrow as it is not mine. I wish I'm wise enough to see yesterdays as the unforgettable rather than to whine. But it is the reason that urge me to always improve myself. It is only possible when I see myself as a mere human capable of sins and mistakes. And the reason I live the next day is to get rid of it. I've always wanted to be a better child for my parents, my sisters, my brother, and be pleasant to the people around me. I've always wanted to show everyone around me how much I love them despite sometimes I don't really show it. I despise myself for making them feel unimportant and neglected. I despise myself for talking bad words. I despise myself for being unjust. To turn back time is impossible. But no matter how bad I was, it is still me. And it is still me who ought to change. Somehow it is difficult to regain the trust that I lost.

thanks~

2011-03-19T16:29:00.003Z

I've always forgot to thank you. Thanks.

Return

2011-03-13T16:26:00.002Z

I've just returned from London. Currently feel damn tired but I try to stay awake still because loads of assignments waiting to be done. I've done the worse procrastination in history so tonight's gonna be a damn long night.

Actually, I'm quite disappointed over something.

Oh how wicked.

I wish I don't have to think about it.

2011-03-09T22:15:00.003Z

Spring has come

The flower starts blooming

The wind is so calm

and this road is so charming

People rush on the street

As if it's still freezing

There're walking hand in hand

I reckon their love is blooming

Just like the flowers and the trees

Spring has come

March 9

2011-03-08T22:18:00.004Z

I really love this song from high school. It's March 9 again. Here come this song again.

3 Gatsu 9 Ka (translation)

In the middle of this drifting season
I suddenly feel the length of the days
In the midst of these quickly-passing days
You and I dream away

With my feelings on the March wind
The cherry blossom buds continue on into spring

The overflowing drops of light
One by one warm the morning
Beside you, I'm a little embarrassed
After a huge yawn

I'm standing at the door to a new world
What I've realized is that I'm not alone

If I close my eyes
You're behind my eyelids
How strong has that made me?
I hope I'm the same for you

The dusty whirlwind
Tangled up the laundry, but
The white moon in the morning sky
Was so beautiful, I couldn't look away

There are things that don't go the way I planned
But if I look up to the sky, even they seem small

The blue sky is cold and clear
The fluffy clouds float by quietly
If I can share with you the joy
Of waiting for the flowers to bloom, I'll be happy

From now on, I want you to be quietly smiling beside me

If I close my eyes
You're behind my eyelids
How strong has that made me?
I hope I'm the same for you

For my beloved friends:

Chad, Tiko, Tikah, Aiman, Maya, Fitri, Izzat, Lily, Syud, Aina, Eci and Raihan.

2011-03-08T14:50:00.005Z

You may see I'm somewhere in the crowd I'm not in,

and think it is pointless to care

while I sigh and see you

walk away.

2011-03-04T22:03:00.002Z

Y'know, sometimes a person's word who doesn't deserve a single second of your time to think about cuts you the most. What hurts even more it's the word of an ignorant. And you can't even spoke back even though your words were right at the end of your lips but you just can't say it. To have such situation with an ignorant makes you feel even useless.

Today is rather a bad day. I woke up this morning, went into the kitchen and my eyes were tormented with the condition. The plates and pans were piling in the sink. I haven't came into the kitchen for some days. Darn. She really enjoy seeing people cleaning up the mess. But today by any means, I won't clean anything for her.

Went to my 3pm class today. I was rather chilling because our group work is perfectly on-track now, so I was rather happy. In the classroom, the lecturer was checking on our progress on the assignment. When she came to our group she starts being sarcastic on our topic (Islamophobia) again. She brought up issues that I found really offensive as a Muslim and she speaks as if she knows everything perfectly well!

I wished I had the guts to stand up and talk but I just can't to avoid rebel. I ended up getting extremely frustrated because her words cut so deep.

Can I change my GL class? I don't think I wanna see her no more.